Batter My Heart

“Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to another due,
Labor to admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv’d, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov’d fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.” - - John Donne

This poem by John Donne is the text of a powerful aria of John Adams’ new opera, Doctor Atomic. The emotional power of these words especially set to Adams’ music is palpable.



Like Donne’s “Death Be Not Proud” this poem strikes chords in me that are deeply rooted in my Christian upbringing. Both evoke images of a victorious God. In “Death Be Not Proud” it is victory over death through an eternal afterlife; in “Batter My Heart” it is victory over the petitioner by the God he petitions.

In my Christian years I took in words like these aspiring to be part of the noble fight, part of the glorious striving. They inspired me to announce to a Christian friend and mentor once that I was going to “do great things.” What I had in mind was that wherever God took me he would use me and whatever the outcome, even if trivial in the eyes of the world, would be “great” if done for His cause, in His battle and under His control.

These days, I still believe great things can be done and that I can be instrumental in those events. I still want to be part of something bigger than myself. But I no longer believe the god I once imagined and was taught to believe in is anywhere near as big as or as inspiring as the universe in all of its wonder and complexities. In fact, I believe my ignorance of the scope and context of our existence is what allowed me to believe in a god who has turned out, in comparison, to be so limited.

Now, when I hear these words sung in John Adams’ music, I remember and understand the zealous desire to be taken captive and transformed, to be wholly enthralled, but I also now see the petitioner as turning a blind eye to his own responsibilities. He recognizes the need to change and do better but rather than step up and follow his understanding he chooses the passive route and waits. Yes, he waits in devout agony but nonetheless he waits for a force greater than himself to step in and make it happen. How damaging this has been throughout our history. How much would we have accomplished if we had not so many times, upon recognizing what needs to be done, just done it rather than waiting for God to batter our hearts and usurp control?